Last week I shared how Luminous Momma began to climb out of the dark, muddy, hopeless abyss by being; seen, heard, validated, having her pain honored, and having light shown on her worth. Today I’m sharing some of her individualized steps to continue the climb.
As she was on her way up the steep, endless looking, twisting, slippery slope she continued to give herself the gift of accompaniment and support of a peer coach which allowed her to begin her own healing so she could hold space for her child and help her in her healing.
Each family caregiver of someone with an eating disorder needs support to create their individualized healing to hold space for their own sweet selves. Helping family caregivers get to the point of being able to override the instincts to focus solely on “saving” their child most often requires going back to those 5 Steps to see the value in getting out of the abyss.
Caregivers cannot see the value in holding space for their own sweet selves until they see how much it will help their child. It will help their own physical and mental health as well of course…that won’t matter though to a parent trying to save their child. (In cases where the caregiver has become so burned out that they are depleted on all levels such that they’ve become resentful and angry, then they can see some value in caring for themselves).
So what concrete steps did Luminous Momma take so she could begin to heal and hold space for her sweet self? One day at a time as she was listened to, seen and continuously had light shown on her own worth she created what worked for her.
Life Saving Daily Work:
- Practicing the skills to be calm
- Adding in joyful movement
Luminous Momma’s life saving daily work was accompanied by weekly accountability and love. This was the oxygen she needed to be able to listen to her gut, rely on her faith again and grow her hope…which allowed for healing.
Her story of healing and hope will be in my Revised Second Edition of “Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders” coming out later this year/early next year.
Here is a sneak peek at part of Luminous Momma’s story of listening to her gut, her ‘Momma Knowing’ that guided her to help her child:
“What if I hadn’t listened to my momma gut, what if I allowed the “best practice” treatment to continue? Well, I know for sure the story I would be writing today would be a very different one.
See no one believed when this all began over five years ago there was something wrong. But this Momma knew down deep something was not right.”
You can see in her story, several of Dr. Ralph Carson’s keys to happiness and freedom from suffering for caregivers that I shared in my Oct 3rd blog:
- HOPE for better future
- FAITH/BELIEF in something greater than ourself/ in a higher power.
- KNOWLEDGE of what is.
- Have another BELIEVE in us and support us
- MEDITATION – Seligman – concept of “One with the Universe” Dr. Davidson U of WI
- ALTRUISM – doing w/out concern for self
- GRATITUDE – authentic – creates in cells in L pfc
- RELATIONSHIPS w/people I can confide in w/out fear of embarrassment or being judged – creates new cells in L pfc – SUPPORT SYSTEM from peep who have been through what they’ve been through
- PASSION – having passion about something/anything
- MOVEMENT that is joyful
Which of these keys to recovery are missing from what you’re doing as a family caregiver or from what families of your clients are receiving?
Let’s chat about it.
Have a lovely week creating what fills you up.