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Has the Most Wonderful Time of Year Got You Down? by, Becky Henry, CPCC

by | Dec 15, 2018 | Caregiving, COVID19, Distress - Yours, Mine and Ours, Education, Grief, Holidays, Oxygen Mask, Pandemic, Self Care, Support, Tools for Caregivers

Does it seem like for everyone else, the holiday season is a time for peace, love and joy?
Sometimes we believe that it’s perfect, love, light, fun, joy, sunshine and rainbows for everyone else. Usually that’s not true. For many caregivers it’s the most stressful, exhausting, conflict filled, anxiety provoking time of the year.
For those families living with eating disorders, it can be one of the most stressful times of the year!
With so many late fall/winter holidays, our loved ones in recovery can be filled with anxiety over, weight, calories, the food, how much they think they will have to eat, whether or not their family will be “watching” them for eating disorder symptoms. These anxieties, which are normally troublesome for those who struggle, can be escalated during the holiday season.
This  focus on family and food can cause undue anxiety for those in recovery and may be an upset to their eating schedule.  Not to mention finals and relatives asking questions.
Here are 15 ways caregivers can help loved ones deal with the holiday stress by practicing your own self care:

  1. Get enough sleep
  2. Let enough be enough
  3. Focus on gratitude to help stop worry
  4. Consciously choose to give your presence rather than presents
  5. Plan for a non-traditional holiday
  6. Schedule sessions with your loved one’s treatment team for while they are home
  7. Say “No” to unnecessary and/or unenjoyable activities
  8. Say “Yes” to simplicity
  9. Spend time in nature
  10. Plan enjoyable movement at regular intervals
  11. Breathe consciously, try videos on my YouTube Channel
  12. Take a nap
  13. Watch a movie
  14. Take time for your hobby
  15. Use essential oils to feel calm, lavender on a pillow can help with sleep

15 Parent/Caregiver tools to support a loved one in recovery more directly:

  1. Plan Structure for meals & time – this may entail help of the team
  2. Discuss all plans ahead of time
  3. Plan ahead for being with people who might be triggering or say triggering things
  4. Recovery totem – when triggering things come up
  5. Take focus off food – this needs to be intentional
  6. Offer distractions during and after a meal: play a game, take a walk, watch a movie, keep the conversation going.
  7. Encourage your loved one to have their meal prior to attending an event so that triggers are limited
  8. Brainstorm on self-care tools and create a list
  9. Keep your expectations in check, this is a very challenging time
  10. Find time for simply being present with your loved one
  11. Ask how you can best support them during the change in routine
  12. Remember to separate your loved one from the eating disorder
  13. If you see major changes, contact the treatment team
  14. Use this as a time to assess how your college student’s recovery is going
  15. Be prepared to set healthy boundaries around money and other privileges

For some, it also helps to be engaged in conversation throughout the meals, as it is all too easy for a person who struggles to get stuck in their heads and eating disorder thoughts.

While it is important not to be the “food police” during the holidays, it is also important to watch for eating disorder symptoms, such as restricting food intake, or purging after eating.  If these symptoms are noticed, it is important to approach the person with the eating disorder to express concern in a constructive way (see my tips on communication) as to help the person decrease symptom use.

While the holidays are a time for celebration, it is also key to remember that those with eating disorders may be having a particularly hard time.  Using these tips may be a helpful way to guide your loved one through this stressful time.