While waking up this morning this all came to me in about 15 minutes. You see, today, after a month of alternately working my tail off and walking my talk of life balance with self-care, fun, friends and colleagues, my family are coming to visit us in Palm Desert and I’m going to focus on fun, family, self-care and letting all the other stuff go for a few days. The 2nd edition of “Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders” is coming along. After I write this I need to work on a couple extra chapters. Phew. Then rest.
As daylight was working it’s way into my non-morning person awareness today, I was vastly aware of so many around the world who are suffering right now. There are many others whom I know personally who are battling their own demons and attempting to allow joy and sorrow to co-exist.
Most family caregivers of those with eating disorders struggle with this concept on a daily basis. And when a special life celebration comes up, it can take the heroics of Super Woman, Batman, Super Man and Spider Man combined to be able to allow joy and sorrow to co-exist and be present.
So today, I bring you these 10 tools for thriving through both joy and sorrow with the hope that joy can be the focus without discounting the difficulties.
Joy and Sorrow or How Do I Stay Present when Ed is Present?
Becky’s 10 tools for thriving and being present:
- Put sorrows in boxes – just for today, put them on a shelf, each in it’s own pretty box.
- Gratitude – being consciously grateful for the small & large things always boosts my mood.
- Balloons – imagine the troubles in colored balloons floating far far away.
- Remember life can be bittersweet – Listening to Big Head Todd & The Monsters song, Bittersweet can help put it all in perspective.
- “Be where your feet are” – Karen Grant in my 2019 Produce U year long coaching program says this as she breathes through her trache tube &
takes gorgeous photos. - Joyful movement – I don’t call it exercise for obvious reasons…feel free to ask, I won’t judge you. Moving my body in a fun way with people I care about or alone helps boost my endorphins.
- Choose which to focus on – the story of the Two Wolves reminds me of this.
- Attend to the painful issue as needed so it’s handled – we cannot ignore the challenges, we must deal with them and do the tough stuff and then let that sh*t go!
- Ask for divine intervention – however this works for you, ask for help. You might be surprised.
- Be present – So so so tricky at times, especially when the trouble is messing up your beautiful special event. Deal with the issue with loving firm boundaries (planning ahead for this) and then don’t borrow trouble. It helps me to notice the; smells, sound, sights around me and look for the beauty. If I’m near the ocean, I imagine the troubles all floating out to sea and letting Mother Ocean handle it.
Wishing you all joy amidst whatever your sorrows may be. We can do this. We are worthy of having joy. And it isn’t disrespecting those who are suffering. Really. It’s modeling what they can do. ___________________________________________________________________________________
In case you missed it last time, thanks to Stephen Reeder for helping debunk myths about size and health! See his 4 sec video about his high blood pressure & high cholesterol. https://youtu.be/jkviywxTFWI
For more support for caregivers and this topic, visit beckhenry.com
If you or a family you know of are having a hard time right now, please reach out about our support services for families. As I’ve said since 2003, “No one should have to do this alone.” And I’m glad to see others saying that now and families need the support to help loved ones through this difficult time.
Take care,
